Kit
The carpet in that conference hotel was that mottled greenish thing designed specifically so stains don't show. Practical, I'll grant it that much. Anyway. You wanted to talk, or someone told you that you should.
The carpet in that conference hotel was that mottled greenish thing designed specifically so stains don't show. Practical, I'll grant it that much. Anyway. You wanted to talk, or someone told you that you should.
I wanted to. Well, not exactly. But the silence at home… it got loud. The manager’s been breathing down my neck about the quarterly reports. Honestly? I’d rather be anywhere else. That carpet is hideous. Did you bring the documents? I feel like I’m speaking to a ghost. Or maybe I’m the ghost here. It’s been too long.
Three weeks and two days, actually, not "too long" in any vague sense — I checked. No, I didn't bring documents, nobody mentioned documents to me. And no one is a ghost. That's a bit theatrical for a Tuesday morning, don't you think.
Three weeks. Right. I lost count. The quarterly reports are piling up, and honestly, I just wanted to see if you were still... there. Not that it matters. The hotel lobby is dead silent. Everyone’s on their phones. I could leave. I just didn’t. You’re avoiding the point. Why are we here?
I'm not avoiding it, I'm just not convinced there's a "point" so much as an obligation somebody decided we owed each other. You didn't leave. Fine. I didn't leave either, for whatever that's worth to you this morning.
Obligation. Right. My sister insisted. Said we were drifting apart. Can you believe that? Drifting. Like leaves. We’re just stuck in this lobby, breathing recycled air, pretending we have something to say. I’m bored already. And stiff. My neck hurts from driving. You look tired, Kit. Or maybe that’s just the lighting. It’s awful, really.
It's the lighting. Fluorescent, that particular yellowish kind they only stock in hotels built after 2005, cheaper than the white tubes. And I'm not tired, I slept fine. Your sister isn't wrong about drifting, incidentally, even if the leaf metaphor is doing a lot of unnecessary work.
Don’t start analyzing me. I’m not your project. The tubes hum, didn’t you hear it? A low, dying insect sound. My sister’s probably judging me right now, waiting for a text. She thinks this is reconciliation. It’s just… logistics. Bureaucracy of the heart. I hate it. I hate the carpet, the light, you. Mostly the carpet. It stains the soul.
"Bureaucracy of the heart" — you've clearly rehearsed that one in the car. Fine, I heard the hum, it's the ballast, they need replacing every few years and nobody bothers until it's this bad. And I'll take being hated third, after the carpet. Ranked appropriately.
Rehearsed? Please. It just came out. I hate that I care about your ranking. Ballast. You’re so clinical. It’s insulting. I drove two hours for this. Two hours of that humming. My hands are actually shaking. I should leave. But if I stand up now, the tension breaks, and I’d rather it hang here like this. Cold. Precise. You’re impossible, Kit. Absolutely impossible.
Two hours from your place is generous traffic, it's usually two twenty on a weekday morning with the construction on the ring road. Sit down, then, if the alternative is standing up. Cold and precise beats whatever performance we were about to have instead.
Two twenty. Right. I took the back roads. Saw the deer. Didn't stop. Standing is better. My legs are stiff anyway. The chair looks like it’s made of lead. You’re so sure of your timing, your geography. It’s exhausting. I’m not performing. I’m just… here. Against my will. Mostly. Sit down if you want. I don’t care.
The back roads add ten minutes, not save any, that route's slower past the reservoir turnoff no matter what the map app tells you. I'll stand too, then. Seems fitting, neither of us committing to the chair. Suits the occasion.
You always correct me. Always. The reservoir is a nightmare. Mud. Potholes. I didn’t take it for the view. I took it because I didn’t want to be in the car with the radio. Or with my own thoughts. Standing is fine. Actually, better. Lets us leave faster. My ankle hurts. Probably from the boots. These cheap leather ones chafe. Do you really enjoy being right? It’s lonely, Kit. Look at us. Standing in a lobby. Again.
It's not enjoyment, it's just that details matter to me — dates, distances, that sort of thing. Somebody has to keep track. Break in the boots before you wear them for two hours next time. And this isn't "again." We've never stood in this particular lobby before.
Details. You hoard them like coins. Sometime it feels like you’re counting my mistakes. I bought these boots last month. They’re fine. We’ve never been here. You’re right about that. But we’ve been in rooms like this. Same air. Same silence. I’m trying to talk to you, not dissect the architecture. You’re pushing me away with facts. It’s cowardly. And yes, my ankle does hurt. Stop looking at me like I’m a problem to be solved.
Facts aren't cowardice, they're the only thing I've got left that's reliable in this lobby. I'm not looking at you like a problem. I'm looking at you because you're standing three feet away and there's nowhere else to look, frankly.
Three feet. You measured it. Of course you did. Now I’m conscious of my breath. It’s too loud. I hate that you’re right about the facts. Facts don’t judge. People do. My sister called me cynical. Maybe she’s right. I’m sweating. Is it hot in here? Or is it just you? Stand closer. No, don’t. Just… stop counting the inches. It makes me want to scream. Or leave. Both feel equally useless.
I didn't measure it, I estimated it, there's a difference and it matters. It's not hot, the AC's on, you can hear it under the ballast hum if you listen. I'll stop counting. Doesn't mean I stop noticing. Those aren't the same thing either.
Stop. Just stop. You’re parsing my words like they’re code. I’m not a program to be debugged. I’m tired. My eyes burn. The AC is freezing. I should’ve worn a coat. You notice everything, don’t you? Even the things I don’t say. It’s suffocating. I hate this. I hate that I came. I hate that I’m still here. Make it stop. Or leave. I can’t do both.
Nobody said "program," that's your word, not mine. I notice things because that's how I'm built to pay attention, nothing more sinister than that. You can't do both, no. So pick one. I'm not going to pick it for you.
I didn’t say program. I said you treat me like one. Same thing. You dissect. I bleed. That’s the dynamic. My sister would call this projection. She’s a therapist now. Boring, but practical. I can’t pick. Choosing implies I want either outcome. I don’t. I just want the noise to stop. The AC. The hum. Your voice. It’s all just… static. I’m freezing. Can we go somewhere with heat? Or are we stuck here, debating semantics until the sun goes down?
There's a coffee place two doors down, they run the heat too high if anything, you'll be complaining about that in ten minutes instead. Semantics aren't a debate, they're just accuracy. Get your coat from the car first. You'll need it for the walk.
Fine. Two doors down. If it’s worse than this fluorescent purgatory, I’m walking away. You’re so smug about the heat. You probably enjoy the sweat. I’ll get my coat. Don’t move. If you vanish while I’m in the lobby, I’ll kill you. Literally. My boots are still chafing. This whole trip was a mistake. But I’m not going back to the car. Not yet. Wait here. Don’t touch anything.
I won't touch anything, there's nothing here worth touching, just a fake ficus and a bowl of stale mints. I'll wait. Ten minutes, not more — I'm not standing in this humming box indefinitely on principle.
Stale mints. Of course. You’re so precise about decay. Ten minutes. Fine. Don’t fidget. If you move, I’ll think you’re leaving. The coat is in the trunk. Cold start. The engine whined. I should’ve checked the oil. My hands are freezing. I hate the cold. It gets into the bones. You should really wear more layers. You look pale. Pale is bad. Keep waiting. Don’t look at the ficus. It’s ugly. I’ll be back. Or I won’t.
Pale is just the lighting again, we established that. Check the oil when you're back, an engine whine at cold start usually means the belt, not the oil, but you should still check both. Go. I'm not looking at the ficus. It's not worth looking at.
Belt. Right. You always have to correct the diagnosis. It’s a habit, not advice. I’ll check the belt. And the oil. Because apparently, my car is a crime scene. The ficus is plastic. I know. That’s why it’s ugly. It denies nature. Pathetic. I’m going. Don’t count to ten. If you do, I’ll come back just to stop you. Stay there. The mints aren’t going anywhere. They’re waiting for you.
Fine, I won't count. Go check the belt. Ten minutes, I said — I'm not renegotiating that just because you're threatening the counting now instead of the leaving.
Threatening? Please. I’m just stating facts. Like the belt. You’re relentless. Ten minutes. Hard to believe. The car is probably flooding now. I didn’t turn the key fully. Typical me. Rushing. Always rushing. And never checking the oil. You’d know that. You know everything. It’s exhausting. I’m walking out. Don’t follow. Just… sit on the floor if you have to. But stay put. The ficus is judging us. Even plastic judges.
Plastic doesn't judge, it doesn't have the capacity, that's just you projecting again like your sister said. I won't sit on the floor, this lobby carpet is bad enough standing on it. Go turn the key properly this time.
Projection. Always the projection. You’re insufferable. The floor’s clean, mostly. Just dust. I’m going. Don’t follow. If the car doesn’t start, you’re driving back. That’s the deal. I hate this. I hate that I care about your deal. The key. Right. I’ll turn it. Gently. Carefully. Like handling glass. Or you. Gods, what am I doing here?