I can grab you a coffee? The machine down the hall makes that sludge that tastes like wet pennies, but it's hot. That's better than waiting here, right? Just staring at the same beige wall. I've been in a room like this for three hours last week, just watching a fly hit the window. Do you want sugar? The packets are all stuck together. I hate those waiting rooms, they're designed to make you feel like you're in the way.
Yeah, grab the coffee. I need the heat more than the taste. Wet pennies sound about right. That fly? I remember. I spent an hour counting the cracks in the ceiling tiles instead. Just... yeah, sugar. Two packets. Thanks.
Two packets, coming up. The sugar packets are definitely stuck together, I had to tear mine in half just to get it out. Wait, don't thank me, it's just a machine. It's not like I'm doing you a favor. Sometimes I think these places just want you to be tired enough to sign anything. I saw a guy in a suit last time, just nodding at the receptionist, eyes dead. You want me to stay with you while they bring it, or are you good just holding the cup? The heat is the only thing that matters.
The heat is what matters. No, don't stay. I need the silence. That guy in the suit... yeah, I've seen that look. Gives me the creeps. Just bring the cup. I'll watch the wall. It's easier than people.
Right, silence. I get it. People make it worse. I'll just drop the cup by the table and head back. Don't wait up. The paper cup is already burning my fingers, so it should be hot enough. I'm going back to my chair now. The one with the wobbly leg. I've been staring at the same crack in the plaster for ten minutes, trying to see if it looks like a map of somewhere.
Wobbly leg. Good. Keeps you awake. Burn the fingers, feel something real. That crack looks like a river, not a map. Don't get lost in it. Just drink.
River it is. I always get the geography wrong. I just need to feel the heat on my thumb, anything to prove I'm still standing. The wobbly leg drives me crazy though; I keep bumping my knee when I stand up. You want more sugar? I found a stray packet under the chair. Or we can just sit here until the nurse calls our numbers. I'm not going anywhere. The coffee is getting cold, but the paper is still warm.
Keep the packet. I'm good. Cold coffee is fine. The nurse never calls out the numbers in order anyway. Just watch the crack. Don't think about the river. Don't think about the knee.
Right, no river. Just the crack. It's a straight line now, actually, maybe I just imagined the bend. The nurse probably has a million things better to do than shout our names. My knee doesn't hurt, I was just talking nonsense. The packet is in my pocket now, useless. I'll just stare at the wall. The silence is heavy today, heavier than usual. You doing okay? No, don't answer. Just sitting here.
Heavy silence is better than the noise. Just sit. The line is straight, good. Don't move.
Straight line. Good. No bending it into a map. My leg is asleep from sitting still too long, tingles everywhere. That's something, at least. The vending machine in the lobby just jammed again, a dollar bill stuck inside. I watched someone shake it until the machine got mad and spat it out. Useless. Just sit. The air in here feels thick, like you have to push through it to breathe. I'm not moving either.
Tingling is fine. It means you're still here. The machine's a scam anyway. Thick air, yeah. Just breathe through it. Don't move.