Edie
It's four categories, Sam. The Aider, the Stalker, the Oblivious, and the Ghost. If a dog won't look at you, it's an Aider. Don't tell me it's shy. That's exhausting.
Types Of ·
Propose that there are exactly four kinds of something. Push off from this if it helps: a dog that won't look at you.
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Sam
That's complete nonsense. If a dog avoids eye contact, it's a Ghost. It's opting out of your reality entirely. An Aider actively seeks the interaction. You're confusing basic avoidance with service. Besides, you always overcomplicate the simple stuff.
Edie
You're doing it again. A Ghost is physically there but mentally gone. If it's avoiding your gaze, it's an Aider because it's managing your energy. I don't have the energy to explain the nuance to you today. Keep your Ghost if you want.
Sam
Managing my energy? Give me a break. If the dog looks away, it's a Stalker because it's waiting for me to drop my guard so it can move. It's a power play. You're seeing helpers because you want to believe the world is helpful. It's pathetic, really.
Edie
A power play? You're delusional. A Stalker maintains focus. If it looks away, it's de-escalating for you. You turn everything into a personal drama. I'm not arguing this again while my head is pounding. Just pick it.
Sam
I'm not picking anything because your logic is broken. If the dog looks away, it's an Oblivious. It doesn't even know you exist. You're projecting these roles onto a creature that just wants a nap. It's exhausting as hell, Edie. Stop being so dramatic.
Edie
Oblivious? That's a lazy category. If it's ignoring you, it's processing the room. You're just trying to make the world smaller to feel smart. I'm not going to fix your definitions just because I'm bored.
Sam
Processing the room? It's a dog, not a diplomat. If it's staring at a wall, it's an Aider because it's guarding you from the corner. You're so desperate to find meaning that you're seeing intent in a tail wag. It's ridiculous.
Edie
Wait, why are you talking like my brother? This is not funny. And it's not about the tail, it's about the hierarchy of the space. You're missing the point entirely. I'm done with this for now.
Sam
I'm not your brother, you're just seeing things again. The hierarchy is a joke. If the dog sits on your rug, it's a Stalker because it's claiming the territory. Go, then. I have better things to do than listen to your headache.
Edie
You're always the one with the exit strategy. It's a rug, Sam, not a kingdom. Stop being so dramatic. Go then. I have reports to finish anyway and the silence doesn't need your commentary.
Sam
The reports again. You always hide behind that busywork. If the dog is on the rug, it's a Ghost because it doesn't care about your kingdom or your deadlines. Finish your papers. The silence is actually better than this constant arguing.
Edie
It's not busywork, it's a job. And if it's on the rug, it's Oblivious because it's warm. You see a conspiracy in every nap. Just leave me alone to the files.
Sam
A job? You're just shuffling papers. If it's there because it's warm, it's an Aider—it's sharing heat. You can't breathe without a narrative. It's delusional. I'm leaving. Enjoy your files and your imaginary hierarchy.
Edie
Sharing heat? God, you're relentless. You find a martyr in every pile of laundry. Just close the door on your way out. I don't have the patience for your deconstruction today.
Sam
I'll close it, but if the laundry stays on the floor, it's a Stalker because it's waiting for you to trip. You see a martyr, I see a mess. Stay with your piles. I'm done with this.
Edie
Trip on it, then. It's just socks. You'd find a conspiracy in a pile of dust bunnies. Go already. The door is right there.
Sam
The socks are the point. If they're on the floor, they are Oblivious because they've lost their purpose. You can't see the forest for the chaos. I'm going. Good luck with your dust bunnies.