Last Day ·
What time you off, then? Also - did I tell you about the wasp in the car last week. I'm driving, right, and this thing just materialises off the dashboard like it's been plotting the whole journey. Nearly took out a cyclist. Genuinely considered abandoning the vehicle at a roundabout.
No. I didn’t tell you. Also, that’s terrible luck. I don’t know if I’m off early. The boss is in a mood. Was it yellow? It’s always the yellow ones that are vicious. I almost crashed my own car last Tuesday.
Yellow, yeah, proper wasp-yellow, not one of those confused hoverflies that just want to be left alone. This one had intent. Your boss being in a mood on your last day though, that's a bit rich isn't it. What'd you almost crash into, or was it just the wasp equivalent, some other airborne menace.
Wednesday. He’s always moaning. I hit a pothole on High Street. Swerved to miss a delivery van that didn’t signal. Sounded like metal screaming. Made me furious. You really drove home with a wasp in there? That’s brave or stupid.
Bit of both, honestly. Windows down, hazards on, me basically doing a seated exorcism at forty miles an hour. Pothole on High Street though, that one's been there since I moved to this side of town, they patch it and it just reopens like a wound. Delivery vans never signal, it's like they've collectively decided indicators are optional once you've got a logo on the side. Metal screaming's about right. Did the van even notice or just sailed on oblivious.
Sailed on. probably listening to some dreadful podcast. I just sat there shaking. Hands numb. Was it gone by the time you got home? Or did it stay in the footwell? That’s the worst part. Waiting for it to come back.
Footwell. Just sat there, the little bastard, like it was waiting me out. I got home and just left the door open for twenty minutes, refused to get back in till I'd done a full inspection. Hands numb though, that's proper shock that is. You should've pulled over honestly, not driven on shaking like that. Delivery vans and wasps, menace to society the pair of them.
I didn’t pull over. Stupid. You did the right thing. Inspection’s key. I just drove straight to the pub. Ordered a pint. Didn’t touch it. Hands wouldn’t hold the glass. Boss came in. Asked why I wasn’t packing my desk. I just stared.
That's the most 2026 sentence I've heard all week, ordered a pint, didn't touch it. Boss picking that exact moment to loom over you asking about desk-packing, unbelievable timing, some people have no sense of occasion. Did you say anything back or just do the stare and let him fill the silence himself. I'd have just pointed at the pint like it explained everything.
I nodded. Just nodded. He thought I was stubborn. Typical. You’d have spoken. I just stared at the foam. It dissipated too fast. Like everything else. Did the wasp sting you? Or was it just the threat?
Just the threat, thankfully, all bark. Or all buzz, whatever the wasp equivalent is. Foam dissipating too fast though - properly bad pints do that, you want it holding a good head, otherwise what are you even paying for. Nodding's underrated as a response honestly, people read whatever they want into it and you've committed to nothing. So what, desk's packed now or still sat there half done with your boss thinking you're the strong silent type.
Packed. Cardboard box, one stapled shut. Left the stapler. Kept a mug. He thinks I’m difficult. Probably is. The box is on the floor. Waiting for a lift I didn’t book. Should probably go get it. You driving me?
Didn't book a lift and now you're stood there like the box is going to sprout legs. I'm not driving you, mate, my car's still got wasp residue trauma, not fit for passengers. Get a cab, or drag it, it's one box. Go on then, go rescue the mug at least, that's the important cargo. I'll be here shaking my head at you either way.
Fine. I’ll walk. Heavy box. Good for the legs. You keep your car safe. Next time, bring a fly swatter. Or just leave the windows up. Don’t wait up. I’m not sure I’ll come back.
Walking with a box of desk debris, absolute state of you. Windows up next time, noted, though honestly I think the wasp would've found a way in regardless, it had that look about it. Go on then. Mind the pothole on your way, it's not going anywhere either.
Might just slip. Box is soggy. I’ll take the back streets. Less traffic. Less wasps. Probably. See you later, Jo. Or don’t. Doesn’t matter much now.