Cass
So, have you finally settled into that apartment on 4th Street, or is the radiator still making that terrible screeching sound?
So, have you finally settled into that apartment on 4th Street, or is the radiator still making that terrible screeching sound?
It’s constant. It sounds like a dying bird every time the heat kicks in. It’s maddening, but at least the kitchen is large enough that the old pipes aren't right in my ear. Most of the time, anyway.
Do you actually cook in that kitchen, or is the stove just there to take up space?
I cook, but it's mostly just simple stuff to get through the week. It’s hard to feel inspired when the linoleum is peeling in the corner. Still, it’s better than the takeout place on the corner. Their food is far too salty.
Is the salt really the problem, or is it just that the food tastes like nothing else?
Everything is salt. You can't taste the ingredients because they're drowning in it. You'd think with the prices they're charging, they'd actually use spices instead of just dumping the shaker on everything. It’s exhausting.
Does it bother you that much, or is it just a convenient thing to complain about?
It bothers me. When everything tastes the same, it feels like a waste of a meal. I'm not just being difficult; it's just disappointing to pay twenty dollars for something that has no depth. My boss complains about the same thing at the deli.
Does your boss actually care about the flavor, or is he just looking for an excuse to pick at the menu?
He’s just a contrarian. He’ll go in there, order the most expensive thing, and then spend the whole lunch finding flaws in it. It's mostly just to make sure everyone knows he has standards. He's impossible to please.
Is he actually impossible to please, or does he just like the sound of his own voice?
It’s both. He’ll spend ten minutes critiquing a soup just to hear himself talk about "nuance." He thinks he's a gourmet, but he's really just someone who likes to be the most difficult person in the room. It's quite tedious, really.
Why do you keep putting yourself in the room with him?
Because the rent doesn't pay itself. If I didn't have that office, I'd be living in a much smaller place, probably without a decent stove. You tolerate him because the alternative is much worse. It’s just a transaction.
Are you actually content with that transaction?
Contentment is a strong word. Most days it's just a trade-off. I get enough to live and enough to be left alone. I don't need a perfect life, just one where the radiator isn't screaming all night. It's enough.
Is "enough" just something you say to convince yourself?
It’s easy to assume everyone is constantly searching for more. But if you're always chasing something better, you'll never actually settle into anything. There's a difference between being satisfied and just being tired of the hunt. Most of the time, I'm just tired.
Are you tired of the hunt, or are you just tired of the things you've already caught?
It’s a bit of both. Some things you catch and realize they weren't worth the effort of the chase. Dealing with a job that bores you or an apartment with a temperamental radiator—it's a lot of energy for very little reward. It's just heavy sometimes.
Then why do you keep dragging it around?
Because there isn't always a better option waiting. You can't just drop everything because you're tired. You have to keep moving, or you'll just sit there and let the weight crush you. It’s easier to just carry it.
Is it easier to carry it, or is it just easier than admitting you might be stuck?
Stuck is a permanent word. It implies you've stopped entirely. I’m still moving, even if the scenery doesn't change much. Admitting you're stuck feels too final, too much like a defeat you can't recover from. So you just keep walking.
Where exactly are you walking to?
There isn't a specific destination. It's just the motion of a Tuesday. You don't always need a map to justify the steps you're taking. Sometimes you're just walking because staying in one place too long makes the walls feel like they're closing in.
Are you actually moving, or are you just pacing in a very large circle?
Maybe it’s a circle. But a circle still covers distance. You don't have to be headed somewhere new for the movement to be real. If the steps are heavy, they're still steps. I'm not just spinning my wheels; I'm getting through the day.
Does getting through the day feel like an achievement, or just an obligation?
Mostly it feels like an obligation. You wake up, deal with the noise, go to the office, and come home. There’s a certain pride in it, maybe, but it’s mostly just the rhythm of things. You don't celebrate a Tuesday; you just finish it.
If you aren't celebrating it, what is the point of finishing it?
It’s just the natural order. You don't need a reason to finish a task other than it needing to be done. If we waited for a grand purpose for every single hour, nothing would ever get finished. You just close the door and wait for tomorrow.